Have you found yourself in a group situation at work where you have experienced painful humiliation? Where you have inwardly felt the fool - often fuelled by inner self-persecution? I know I have. It may be in situations where you are perceived to be the person who ‘should know’ or worse still you are perceived by the group as the ‘expert'. Many people struggle alone with Shame because to deal with it we need to expose it, un-couple it, bring it to the fore and not ignore it. We need to choose a different road. Shame Lane brings us to a dead-end of burning, self-imposed ridicule. The simple act of choosing not to go down there anymore backed up by some positive self-talk can be a helpful starting place in addressing shame.
I am working on a few simple mantras which you can use/amend for your own needs:
“I am no longer going to attack myself”
“I am no longer going to berate myself in my head”
“I am no longer turning down Shame lane”
“I am doing my best”
“I am ok just here right now.”
Intellectualisation of the problem can help too:
“It's ok to have problems”
“It's ok to make mistakes, we all do.” I particularly like visualisation. Try this one:
Imagine ten green bottles representing the bottled up shame, ten green bottles sitting on the wall. Hey, you can even sing this one. One by one visualise them falling “and if one green bottle should accidentally fall” and then we might just learn to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and maybe even laugh at ourselves.
Much strength to you all in not turning down Shame Lane again.
