#28: Bellicosity has no place in our city

I was on the back seat of a bus in some distant corner of the Amazon jungle in Peru when I first came across the word Bellicose.  The diminutive native Peruvian sitting next to me had become intrigued about my presence on the bus and where I was from.  Upon telling him I was from Inglaterra his words were short and so was the rest of the conversation muy belicoso.  Very war-like. 

I have never agreed with the war-like language so often used to refer to illnesses and health conditions, the latest pandemic being an example.  There are numerous examples of bellicose language - in that people are said to be ‘battling, fighting’ dementia for example and hopefully ‘defeating’ in the case of some cancers.  Politicians and public health policy often slip into war-like language such as ‘winning the battle against the invisible enemy.’ These negative words will no longer do when what we are needing is positive directions. War-like words do not serve us in our search for positivity.

Thankfully, in health care settings the more positive phrase ‘living with’ has become more dominant in recent years than its awful predecessor ‘suffering’.  An illness, dementia or cancer, for example, does not define who I am.  Nor should COVID define who we are, yet it is something we are living with.  Like dementia or cancer, it is something which has come into our lives unbeckoned.  In the face of such adversity or challenge, we would be better placed to talk of kindness, compassion and thinking of helping others first.  Helping people see the opportunities as well as the challenges which still exist ahead.

Let us not talk or refer to war out of its rightful context and instead turn our full attention to finding hope, kindness and positivity.  We can all lead the change in how we talk our way through this together.

#26: TEDx - Thinking Differently about Dementia - Neil Mapes

A few months ago I had the pleasure, whilst CEO of Dementia Adventure, of delivering a TEDx talk called Thinking Differently about Dementia.  It is a simple idea which I hope you will support me to spread. Dementia Adventure, an organisation I am extremely proud to have founded with Lucy Harding needs all of our ongoing support to enable more people with dementia to have both small and big experiences safely outdoors.  If you know someone with dementia in your friend or family network please share this TEDx talk with them, it is my personal and heartfelt explanation of how to think and act differently drawing on nature and the outdoors.

Please consider watching and sharing my TEDx talk here

Please consider supporting and sharing the work of Dementia Adventure.

Thank you for your support, stay safe and well :)

#25: Struggling to remain optimistic yet being positive

“I have found myself struggling to remain optimistic recently.”

“Me too, part of me has a long term sense of impending doom.”

“But I am positive about what we are doing just now to cope and adapt.”

This was the gist of the exchange between two social sector leaders today on a support call.  Both of them had made recent financial investments to expand their organisations in the next year.  Optimism and positivity have some important differences.  One can choose to act positively as a leader in the midst of various challenges.  Positive thinking or a positive mindset can enable us to remain solutions-focused and help our team of people take action with the belief that we can weather this storm and get through this.  

On the other hand, optimism and pessimism are often traits associated with our make up as human beings.  My friend and I are at opposite ends of this spectrum, where I would often describe myself as relentlessly optimistic, my friend is very much on the pessimistic side, often struggling to see how it could possibly work out in the long run.  “How will this all end”, he might say.  Or “I can see no future for us”.  But whilst organisations tend to favour and gravitate towards optimistic leaders they can be just as damaging, or successful, as pessimistic ones.  He is a great leader - and he will often fight harder to take positive action in order to make sure his pessimism doesn’t come true. 

So I am trying to embrace the unfamiliar waves of pessimism where I am struggling to remain optimistic - I am not sure it will be alright in the end.  I remain very much focused on thinking positively and taking positive action each day.  With that in mind, I am off running!  

Stay positive folks! 

#23: Time and Tide

I am in the extremely fortunate position of living near Nairn beach, arguably one of the best in Scotland.  During lockdown I have been making a point of taking a daily stroll down to the sea, just to watch the water.  Since moving to the coast I have become increasingly aware of and fascinated by the tide and its effect on my local beach - and its effect on me.  

Tides are part of our island narrative with perhaps the most well-known proverb being “time and tide wait for no man (or woman)” - meaning that when a favourable opportunity presents itself you would be wise to take it, in case you don’t get such a good chance again.  Looking back at your life - were there opportunities you wished you had jumped at?  Were there opportunities when the tide was high, the sun was shining and a light breeze blowing but for whatever reason, you decided to stay on the shore?  Maybe you were waiting for the conditions to be too perfect or were simply not feeling able or ready to confront the risks associated with the new opportunity.  When the time and tide are right it is important to take your opportunity.  Whilst there are many problems and challenges ahead of us all just now, there will also be opportunities and it is important that when they come we grab them with both hands.

The tides are also one of the few things in modern life which can not be reduced to ones and zeros.  The Natural Navigator, Tristan Gooley, has written widely about tides and tells us that “there is not a machine in the world that can accurately predict tides at a new location without the assistance of human observation.” In observing the tides at Nairn, there are very high tides where seaweed is washed up onto the golf course and very low tides where the sea disappears beyond the pier and lighthouse.  The beach can be full of sand one week and full of stones the next.  Seeing it every day, with a slower pace to life recently, I am finding great comfort in the regular nature of the tide.  Change happens every day.  The height of the tide and its direction of flow are determined by the Earth, moon, sun and time, fundamental forces in our universe.  As the sun starts setting ever northwards and the days continue to get longer at this latitude, I find great reassurance from feeling like a tiny pebble on the beach, waiting for the high tide to take me off on my next adventure.

#19: Knowing when it is over

Is the end nigh? Current times are characterised by great uncertainties, but don’t be tempted into inertia, being proactive can still make for a happy ending.

Are you unsure if your work, project, business or relationship is over? Take a moment to reflect back on a time when you knew something was over and when it finished. Perhaps you knew, deep down, it was over some time ahead of it actually ending? Or maybe the end came like a hammer blow totally out of the blue? By reflecting on previous endings you can be better prepared this time around.

I like running marathons. Well, to put it more accurately, I enjoy signing up for marathons and I like the finish line. There are numerous hours of hard training and hard miles in the race itself that, to be honest, I don’t always enjoy. The finish line of the marathon is a definitive endpoint. The vast majority of people who sign up to run the London Marathon do indeed finish, regardless of their fitness or training regime. Knowing there is an endpoint to reach, after which you can stop and collect a medal, is enough to keep people going. Whilst running marathons can teach you a lot about yourself, not all situations in work and life have the neat ending we sometimes crave. Often the finish line is frustratingly hidden in the fog of daily life. Understandably there are fears and worries about the impending change.

I was talking with a shop owner the other day, in a retail business on the high street. Her business, like many, is on hold because her customers need close personal contact and interaction before purchasing her products. We were talking about if and when she would re-open again. “I really don’t know if I will have a business to go back to”, she said. So like our friend, if you are contemplating whether something is reaching an end, or whether to put fresh energy into it, try these steps:

1. Sitting it out. Try sitting still, calming and quietening the mind. Probably best to do this outdoors if you can, perhaps in the garden or on a balcony, or if you have a view out of the window.
2. Pose the question. Ask yourself out loud “Is this over?” And wait for an answer to come. Many times, with hindsight, people did intuitively know when something was over. Listening to your inner voice and your own intuition is as good a guide as any in uncertain times.
3. Don’t wait, do something. Whilst it is tempting to wait for the answer to become clear to us, or a magical lottery-winning solution to emerge, don't give in to inertia and do nothing. Be hopeful but be proactive, for example, plan your future framework, clarify your purpose and set new goals.
4. Write down what you need right now and in the future. Write down what you want now and in the future. Pay special attention to anything on both lists.
5. Accept where you are right now. Remind yourself you are doing the best with the information you have to hand.

In a way, my marathons are never really over. As soon as I finish one, briefly pausing to look at the medal, I am planning the next one. I often sign up for another one on the same day as finishing the one I’ve just run.

Runners at the start of another London Marathon in 2019

Times change, new information presents itself, a relationship flourishes again when you thought it had burnt out and new projects and business ideas emerge where you couldn’t see them before.

To a degree, there is a sense that nothing is really over, forever. Just different at different times.

#17: Quick to slow?

I guess I am a slow learner. It took me 17 years to learn to run slower. Pushing it, harder efforts faster-paced runs all seemed the likely answer to the question of how to run faster. It was in 2017 when I finally had the breakthrough with my running training, a year which resulted in me breaking my lifetime personal bests/personal records in every distance from mile to marathon. At the age of 43, I was running faster than at the age of 23. So what was the answer? Running slowly. But not just slowly, really slowly, so slow in fact that it was virtually walking pace. I had embarked on the MAF method, following in the footsteps of Dr Philip Maffetone and the many thousands he has coached and supported to be fitter and healthier. Part of this method involves running whilst keeping your heart rate low, which for me meant a lot of walking. I found this frustrating, not to be running fast, not to be out of breath, not to be exhausted at the end of the run. Running slowly kind of looked a bit awkward too with walkers keeping up with me on their route into town. But week in week out for months I stuck with it. I realised that I was becoming a more consistent runner, was injury-free and was healthy for an extended period. The boom and bust training cycles and associated injuries and illnesses had been replaced by higher mileage slower more effective endurance running. I had lost weight too as my body started burning fat reserves more effectively, which was a bonus. I started getting personal bests in the local parkrun, at the 5K distance, then the half marathon and marathon eventually. All the previous guidance on running faster was geared to just that if you want to run faster then... run fast. But, counterintuitively, the answer to learning to run fast, came from lots and lots of slow running. Running so slow you could identify stones on the beach, birds in the trees and join in conversation with dog walkers. My younger self would not have believed me, but by slowing down everything got easier and faster.

In these turbulent times, how quickly can you slow down? Do you find it easy or difficult operating at a slower pace? Slowing down can bring many benefits, but it often can’t be done in a week or two and we may need to stick with, and commit to keeping, a slower pace for a few months to begin to see the benefits. By slowing down we might just find a method to support us to cope with the challenges of now but also a method that will serve us and our planet well in the longer term. Try it, next time someone tentatively asks “How are you?” - tell them “I am slowing down” and see what emerges.

#16: How to live on less and still thrive after an income reduction

There have been two, self-imposed, periods in my working life in the past decade when our household income has dropped by about 50% overnight. Both have been associated with significant life choices and change of work direction, moving from secure jobs to starting something new. The first period was when we founded Dementia Adventure back in 2009 and the second was relocating to North East Scotland last year. The first time was when our kids were tiny, this time, not so much.

Maybe you have chosen to start up a social enterprise or have become self-employed in the last year? Maybe you have seen your wages reduced or even wiped out due to the current virus-crisis? The following tips are all things I have tried following a significant drop in income and are aimed at supporting you to live on less, still thrive and stay well.

1. Back-up: Identify who or what is your back-up? Knowing that someone or something is your back-up is often enough to get through your difficult times. Read my previous blog post on Back-Up and identify someone in your life and ask them - will you be my back-up?
2. No food: Well not completely of course, but there is some great evidence associated with intermittent fasting, longevity and physical inflammation reduction. It also helps with food cost reduction - if you’re fasting 2 days a week, it can mean a significant saving (small print - do check medical advice before embarking on any fasting programme).
3. Grow food: We have grown our own food for fifteen years now starting with basil on a window sill, tomato plants in pots and garlic in the small patch of ground in the yard behind our tiny terraced house. You can grow potatoes from seed to plate in about 10 weeks (lettuce in much less) and only need a bucket or container and the seed potatoes. Try cutting the ‘eyes’ out of your existing potatoes and planting these if you can't source seed potatoes at the moment. Growing and eating your own food can provide you with great taste, great nutrition whilst also giving you a green workout, saving you money and can be highly effective at alleviating low mood.
4. Slow food: Fast food deliveries are the fastest way to run out of money and often contribute to physical and mental ill-health, further worsening our peak stress situations. Growing to love oats for breakfast, baked potatoes for lunch and rice and beans or lentils for dinner are cheap staples that have sustained thousands of people for generations. Take your time to eat it too, savour each mouthful, putting your cutlery down - making your smaller meal last longer is another trick for eating less and costing you less.
5. Save to buy: my granddad would say, “put away the money for it each week for six months, and if you still want it after six months, then you can buy it” - often, of course, the thing I had thought I wanted, I no longer wanted by that point. Deferring buying those ‘must-haves’ is another cost reducer.
6. Monthly direct debits: Take a close look at all the regular monthly payments going out of your account and ruthlessly cancel everything except those critical to sustaining your situation. If you are locked in on a contract or have some other tie-in then speak to the provider about a payment holiday and temporarily suspend the payments. If you want or need to be more drastic cancel TV subscriptions and sell the TV and go back to the radio and books, sounds harsh but you might find you have more productive free time. 
7. Moments in nature: Nature is on our doorstep, is free, is ever-changing from one day to the next and can teach us a great deal about frugality, change and happiness. Find some food scraps for the birds, take a seat under a tree and listen to the sounds. Find some moments in nature every day and see how this can bring joy into your situation. Try keeping a nature diary or nature notes.
8. Keep a gratitude journal: Write down three things each day that you are thankful for. Such a simple thing to help you identify the positives relative to your situation.
9. Be ready to grab opportunities: Make time to update your CV, make a phone call to someone in your industry or in the work sector you would like to work in, or to someone you know and admire. Take a free online course, get yourself ready to grab the new work or income opportunity when it comes along. And it will!
10. Start an investment habit: One of the problems this crisis has really brought to light is the fact that so few people have any savings. It sounds counter-intuitive when you are struggling for money but try starting with saving pennies or pounds in a jar or rounding up payments online but cultivate a habit of saving and investing for when you do have more income again. Then when the next crisis happens, you’ll be better prepared. Premium bonds are a safe way of gambling without losing your money and there are many investment products on the market now which are accessible and accept very low entry points for new investors starting as little as £1. Compound interest is your friend so do try and leave the amount untouched until you have to access it. 

The list can go on and if you have lost a significant proportion of income recently making the change to living on less whilst still thriving can be very challenging but you can and will find a way that works for you. Engage with the finances, engage with the support offers available and pay attention to the things which bring you joy - and are free!  My joy yesterday came from this butterfly...

Nairn beach butterfly

#10: Finding solutions to problems

What is your number one problem at work? Let us imagine that this problem could be magically solved tomorrow. What would your next biggest problem be, and the third on the list? Are you really concentrating on the right problem? Maybe there is a problem that is at the top of your list but actually the second or third problem is, in reality, your biggest problem. Either way, finding solutions to problems can be difficult, should not be tackled alone and benefit from a diversity of perspectives.

Action Learning is a structured and facilitated peer-based approach to identifying problems, reflecting on them and resolving them. It takes place in a group, mostly between 6 and 12 people and can be done face to face or through video conferencing tools like Zoom. Action learning has a long track record in the UK and internationally, enabling people to find solutions to intractable problems and take the actions needed. It has been a key element in the success of the leaders who have been supported by the Clore Social Leadership Programme since its inception back in 2010. I am the Clore Social Leadership ‘chapter host’ for the North of Scotland and our group has Action Learning Sets embedded in our face to face and virtual meetings for members. In our most recent meeting, one of our members brought a ‘job interview problem’ to successful fruition and has a way forward with a new senior position. So how does it work, and why?

Problem insight

So think again, for a moment, about your biggest problem at work right now. With that problem painfully held in your mind, ask yourself the following questions:

Am I able to clearly articulate the problem to others?
Am I struggling with the ‘wrong’ problem?
How can I uncover other’s insights into this problem?

Often when an individual leader is asked to ‘present’ a problem succinctly to the group, what follows can be a less than coherent ramble. That is fine and perfectly normal, although sometimes it is to the surprise of the presenter who thought they were clear about it!

Problem resolution

It is important for leaders to have a safe space amongst peers, outwith their organisation, where they can safely air and share a problem for resolution. First of all, it is reassuring that your concerns and struggles are shared by others, some of whom have successfully addressed similar problems in the past. Secondly, each peer in the group will approach the resolution from a different viewpoint and you will come out of the group with suggestions and actions on practical ways forward for resolving this problem.

Problem-solving reflection

Time to think and reflect is a precious commodity. We hear about people being ‘time-poor’ and that ‘capacity’ is the issue. Action learning sets provide that important time and space to think out loud, to hear yourself talking about a problem amongst trusted peers. Maybe this is the first time you have had a chance to talk about the struggles that have been going on in your head for some time, maybe waking you up in the middle of the night? Being part of an action learning set requires commitment to the group and your peers but also to your own learning. Ultimately you are valuing yourself. Through action learning, you can find solutions to problems, but you can also be a better coach, mentor and buddy and learn to unlock excellence in yourself and in others. The concept of ‘rounds’ (turn-taking) gives people equal opportunity to talk, and the question and answer nature of the group builds your repertoire of ‘good questions’ to ask those who are struggling with a problem.

If you are already in an Action Learning Set then great - you are developing your skills and experience that will support you to resolve problems across your life. If you would like to know more about facilitation or finding an Action Learning Set then you can start here for more information.

#6: Don’t turn down Shame Lane

Have you found yourself in a group situation at work where you have experienced painful humiliation? Where you have inwardly felt the fool - often fuelled by inner self-persecution? I know I have. It may be in situations where you are perceived to be the person who ‘should know’ or worse still you are perceived by the group as the ‘expert'. Many people struggle alone with Shame because to deal with it we need to expose it, un-couple it, bring it to the fore and not ignore it. We need to choose a different road. Shame Lane brings us to a dead-end of burning, self-imposed ridicule. The simple act of choosing not to go down there anymore backed up by some positive self-talk can be a helpful starting place in addressing shame.

I am working on a few simple mantras which you can use/amend for your own needs:

“I am no longer going to attack myself”

“I am no longer going to berate myself in my head”

“I am no longer turning down Shame lane”

“I am doing my best”

“I am ok just here right now.”

Intellectualisation of the problem can help too:

“It's ok to have problems”

“It's ok to make mistakes, we all do.” I particularly like visualisation. Try this one:

Imagine ten green bottles representing the bottled up shame, ten green bottles sitting on the wall. Hey, you can even sing this one. One by one visualise them falling “and if one green bottle should accidentally fall” and then we might just learn to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and maybe even laugh at ourselves.

Much strength to you all in not turning down Shame Lane again.