#29: Do you have a DNF or DNS this year?

Do you have unfinished business? Is there something not yet complete?  I am a finisher.  I like to complete a commitment.  Sometimes this trait has led me to push myself to unreasonable limits, going beyond, just for the feeling of finishing.  

In athletic parlance, a DNF is a ‘Did Not Finish.’  I have previously prided myself on always getting to the finish line in sporting events and always completing projects and things I do at work.  But this year, I have picked up a few DNFs, which would previously have bothered me.  For example, I have a DNF from the Diss Triathlon a few years ago, where multiple punctures meant I travelled to the finish line in the gloom of the broom wagon, a silent dark space in the back of a white van, with three other men in lycra who also should have known better. But this year, for obvious reasons, it is sometimes simply impossible to do what you set out to do.  I am practising letting go.  Does it really matter if the to-do list doesn’t get ticked off?  If something remains unfinished, is that such a bad thing?  Maybe there is a better time for this thing to be done, or a better person to do it.  Letting go can be liberation but it needs practice. Try it yourself and see if it works for you.  It’s OK not to achieve your goals, and if you are aiming high then there will be some things you have not hit, and maybe will not.

But a failure to finish is very different from a failure to start.  So, I picked up a DNS in last year’s Loch Ness Marathon.  Did Not Start.  I had been dreaming of running this marathon, tagged as one of the most scenic in the UK, for years.  Finally, I found myself living near the start and my dream event within reach.  A year of marathon training was thwarted by illness two days ahead of the race.  The 2020 race, of course, didn’t happen either, so I still have the DNS to my name for that event.  But I will eventually start that race.  In my work, there are a few more things yet to start.  I started Dementia Adventure, something I am very glad and proud of beginning.  There is a book or some more writing ahead of me in my next work phase, which I have yet to start.  Do you have something in your life you would like to start?  Looking back, do you wish you had started something years ago when you had the chance?  A DNS is very different from a DNF.  

Overall, it doesn’t really matter how many DNF and DNS you end up with in life so long as you have a winning track record.  Are you winning in life, winning in work?  Is there something you don’t need to finish?  Is there something you need to start?

Need it always be a mountain to climb?

#25: Struggling to remain optimistic yet being positive

“I have found myself struggling to remain optimistic recently.”

“Me too, part of me has a long term sense of impending doom.”

“But I am positive about what we are doing just now to cope and adapt.”

This was the gist of the exchange between two social sector leaders today on a support call.  Both of them had made recent financial investments to expand their organisations in the next year.  Optimism and positivity have some important differences.  One can choose to act positively as a leader in the midst of various challenges.  Positive thinking or a positive mindset can enable us to remain solutions-focused and help our team of people take action with the belief that we can weather this storm and get through this.  

On the other hand, optimism and pessimism are often traits associated with our make up as human beings.  My friend and I are at opposite ends of this spectrum, where I would often describe myself as relentlessly optimistic, my friend is very much on the pessimistic side, often struggling to see how it could possibly work out in the long run.  “How will this all end”, he might say.  Or “I can see no future for us”.  But whilst organisations tend to favour and gravitate towards optimistic leaders they can be just as damaging, or successful, as pessimistic ones.  He is a great leader - and he will often fight harder to take positive action in order to make sure his pessimism doesn’t come true. 

So I am trying to embrace the unfamiliar waves of pessimism where I am struggling to remain optimistic - I am not sure it will be alright in the end.  I remain very much focused on thinking positively and taking positive action each day.  With that in mind, I am off running!  

Stay positive folks! 

#24: Streaking ahead: thoughts on daily repetition

Is there something that you do every day, without fail?  Every day?

A good friend of mine has had the same breakfast, day after day, for many years.  Steve Jobs was famous for wearing the same clothes and for daily repetition, particularly focused on removing unnecessary decisions - i.e. one less thing to worry about.  The prolific blogger Seth Godin publishes something every day and writes powerfully on the rationale and need for daily blogging and writing.  Looking back at my life it appears that I am a bit of a butterfly, attracted by the next flower.  Very rarely have I done the same thing day in day out, favouring instead the pursuit of variety and novelty.  But in recent weeks repetition of daily and weekly practices are slowly becoming the norm in my life.  Importantly, much to my surprise, I am noticing some significant benefits.

I started re-reading The Lydiard Way again about a month ago.  It is possibly one of the best running books ever written from one of the best running coaches.  The first time I read the book, about ten years ago when I got to the training schedules pages which recommended a 7 day a week running plan, even for beginners, I quietly shelved the book and carried on plodding around the fields three days a week. 

But with more time on my hands and having read the book again, I have started going out every day for a run.  I am only on day #22 of what runners describe as a ‘Streak’ - a term to describe running every day without fail, normally for one mile or more.  The most famous streak belongs to Ron Hill whose streak went on for pretty much a lifetime at 19,032 days!  But even at 22 days, I am already finding that my fitness has improved and mentally I am more robust as I know that each day, whatever happens, I will be able to get out and run.  I have had to make some adaptations like increasing yoga sessions, and stretching and massaging my legs in front of the TV, which can look a bit weird.  I have found that the cold water therapy associated with getting in the sea each week in North East Scotland is a perfect ice bath for reducing swollen muscles and joints from lots of mileage.  Rather than struggling to keep up the daily practice, which I previously felt would put too much pressure on myself to run, I now look forward to my run each day. You can follow me on Strava to see the gains I have made in the last three weeks.

It has got me thinking not only about our personal lives, sports and hobbies but the work we do.  Are there things in our work which are like the daily run?  Those tasks which are essentially good for us and good for our organisations but for whatever reason we procrastinate over or delay - possibly in favour of the shiny and bright new idea or novel way of working.  Big goals at work have to be broken down into smaller steps to make them more realistic and manageable.  What better way of achieving them than doing something small every day (a work equivalent to the daily mile) which moves you down the road towards your end goal?  

What could you do every day, that if you continued it day in day out, without fail would make you healthier and happier?  Maybe it is a daily walk or even just sitting outside for ten minutes before starting work.  Not only does daily repetition bring performance benefits, but it also takes away one more decision you need to make and keeps you on track towards living the life you really want.  I have been running 20 years now on and off and am really glad that I have started my running streak but wonder why I never did this before.

How can you streak ahead in life by doing the same thing every day?

#23: Time and Tide

I am in the extremely fortunate position of living near Nairn beach, arguably one of the best in Scotland.  During lockdown I have been making a point of taking a daily stroll down to the sea, just to watch the water.  Since moving to the coast I have become increasingly aware of and fascinated by the tide and its effect on my local beach - and its effect on me.  

Tides are part of our island narrative with perhaps the most well-known proverb being “time and tide wait for no man (or woman)” - meaning that when a favourable opportunity presents itself you would be wise to take it, in case you don’t get such a good chance again.  Looking back at your life - were there opportunities you wished you had jumped at?  Were there opportunities when the tide was high, the sun was shining and a light breeze blowing but for whatever reason, you decided to stay on the shore?  Maybe you were waiting for the conditions to be too perfect or were simply not feeling able or ready to confront the risks associated with the new opportunity.  When the time and tide are right it is important to take your opportunity.  Whilst there are many problems and challenges ahead of us all just now, there will also be opportunities and it is important that when they come we grab them with both hands.

The tides are also one of the few things in modern life which can not be reduced to ones and zeros.  The Natural Navigator, Tristan Gooley, has written widely about tides and tells us that “there is not a machine in the world that can accurately predict tides at a new location without the assistance of human observation.” In observing the tides at Nairn, there are very high tides where seaweed is washed up onto the golf course and very low tides where the sea disappears beyond the pier and lighthouse.  The beach can be full of sand one week and full of stones the next.  Seeing it every day, with a slower pace to life recently, I am finding great comfort in the regular nature of the tide.  Change happens every day.  The height of the tide and its direction of flow are determined by the Earth, moon, sun and time, fundamental forces in our universe.  As the sun starts setting ever northwards and the days continue to get longer at this latitude, I find great reassurance from feeling like a tiny pebble on the beach, waiting for the high tide to take me off on my next adventure.

#15: My Top Ten Tips for working from home

I first started working from home back in 2006 and can remember one early episode which sharply brought into focus the reality of the challenges that can present. My son Charlie was about a year and a half old at the time and couldn’t understand why his daddy was shutting himself away behind a door. I was on a phone call to the office with my new boss when the screaming started. “Is everything ok?” says my boss. “Yes fine, please ignore the screaming” I replied. “But he does sound very upset.” I had to abandon the call as the concerns, and the screaming, grew. My son was ok after a mummy cuddle, who was also working from home. So, if you now find yourself working from home and trying to cope with the children being kept off school and home from nursery, here are my top ten tips for home working.

1. Dress food feel good - Whilst it is tempting to have endless pyjama days in front of the pc, do try to avoid doing so. I remember my granddad who used to dress in a shirt and tie only to sit in his lounge with only family for visitors. Make a point of dressing well, so you can think well.
2. Get outside for 5 minutes - There is great evidence that just 5 minutes outdoors is enough to lift our mood. Start the day with a 5-minute dose of nature. Step onto your balcony or garden or get out into a green or blue space. Ask yourself “What do I notice?”. Become fascinated and immersed in nature for a few minutes. Repeat after lunch, gentle exercise after eating aiding digestion and at the end of the day, to help create a division between work and home time.
3. 45-minute work chunks - Set yourself a recurring alarm on your phone for 45 minutes. Attention dwindles significantly after this period and staring at a bright computer screen for prolonged periods is detrimental for your eyes too. When the alarm goes off just stop, don't ignore it. Get up and walk around, check your posture, do a few yoga stretches, trust that whatever you are working on will still be there when you sit back down again.
4. Do one thing - Set yourself one thing to do for the morning and one thing to do for the afternoon. For the multitaskers amongst us that might feel too easy but it is important, in the absence of an immediate physical team or boss, that you focus on the really important tasks which need doing. By doing that thing first in the morning you will feel better and form effective work habits.
5. Put things out of reach - It is all too easy to stay seated for extended periods of time, the negative health consequences of which are dire. I leave my stapler and hole puncher upstairs so that I have to go upstairs to go and get them. Getting some much-needed steps and stair exercise each time.
6. Develop a list of mantras - positive self- talk can be helpful to tackle the demon thoughts which might emerge when you are working alone at home. Develop your own mantras, short affirmations you can draw upon “I am great at this”...I can do this...the only way out is through...if you are going through hell, keep going.” 
7. Visualise a good day - when you sit down to start work visualise yourself at the end of the day with key productive tasks completed with satisfaction and ease. Imagining a positive outcome is the first step to that becoming a reality.
8. Spend time with the children or with the dog - there will be times when the children or your pet is demanding attention. Give them the attention, give them a hug, stroke the cat, give them your full attention for five minutes. Tell them you love them. It will make you both feel good.
9. Set up virtual coffee mornings - actively ask colleagues to join you for a video call for no other purpose but to catch up over coffee. Book these in your calendar so that you have regular social contact that would otherwise happen naturally in an office/team space. Actively invest time for social networking support.
10. Turn off the news - Whilst the news is a helpful source of updates during these challenging times, there is a good argument for limiting your access to the news whilst you are working. If you need to find something out about the latest developments you can do this at lunchtime or at the end of the day. Try phoning your parents and get their take on the news. Rationing and limiting your consumption of news will help focus, reduce distractions and help keep things in perspective. If you need some helpful background noise then instead of listening to the radio try peaceful music which is repetitive and calming such as Max Richter’s Sleep album, the RSPB’s Let Nature Sing put on repeat or Gregorian chanting for example. 

And finally, practice gratitude. Be thankful for being able to work from home, for having functioning IT to enable you to communicate easily with others from the safety of your living room, and be thankful for the health of your family. An attitude of gratitude will keep you open to the possibility of the positive - write down three things you are thankful for today.

Stay well and work well.

#12: How to single task and bring a new focus to work

There seems to be a sense of complicitness about busyness. We must have 100 apps on our phones, 10 tabs open on our computers and time management systems to track how busy we are, with ever more complicated colour coded calendars keeping track of the sheer amount of work, hobbies, kids, life admin and all the associated events. How often have you been asked ‘how are you?’ only to answer ‘busy.’ Maybe for a moment, we can delude our egotistical self that we have left this encounter with more status than when we arrived. But telling people we are busy is really just telling the other person that we are unable to focus. But in a world where multi-tasking is both desired and seemingly required in more situations at work and at home how can we go back to one-thing-at-a-time or ‘single-tasking?’

Attitudes precede our habits. If we think that busyness will bring kudos then we may fill our time with repetitive reinforcing behaviours which soon become habits. But perhaps, upon waking in our beds, we can recognise our attitude and give ourselves a chance of changing our habits as soon as we wake. Instead of leaping out of bed and starting with the long busy task list ahead we can simply be in bed for a moment, perhaps a minute, listening to our breath, maybe looking out of the window.

Start the day with a positive question: If I were to do one thing today what would it be? What would be the most critical thing today? What would the one thing be that would bring me joy? What would be the one thing which helps someone else?

Reflection is something that need not take an hour, it can be a moment where we simply sit and ask ourselves a searching question. So, breathe, slow the breath, calm the mind, for a moment and ask yourself - What is my focus for today? Write it down, write one thing down for the morning and one for the afternoon. Turn off the phone, turn off as many other distractions as you can, put up a do not disturb notice if need be, turn off notifications, maybe turn off the computer and go use a pencil and paper. Get it done. Have a break, have lunch. Enjoy lunch. Go for a short walk. Repeat.

A helpful practice for supporting us to address the single task at hand is walking. Try walking a circular 10-minute loop, make it five minutes if you are pushed for time, but try and leave the building, get to some green space (even if it is a tiny pocket park or under a tree) and get some fresh air in your lungs and listen to the birds. 

Walking forces us to take a break, but regular walks are also the simplest thing we can do to break the serious consequences associated with long periods of time sitting down staring at a computer screen. Have you noticed your back aching, your eyes straining? Time for a walking break. Call it a ‘walkshop’ or a ‘walk and talk’ if anyone at work asks why you are heading out, call it ‘time to think’ - you will come back refreshed, the brain will have more oxygen and you will be more productive. But like the other tasks in our lives, focus on the simple act of walking, just walk, don’t set yourself a step goal, try to solve a problem or make a phone call whilst out walking. Use your time walking to practice the habit of single-tasking. Over time, busyness can be replaced with happiness, and being more focused on the important things in our lives can make us realise how much dross we spend our time worrying about.

Take these steps tomorrow and see how it feels to be absorbed in fewer more effective tasks giving them your full attention:

• Stay in bed for an extra minute - start with a change of attitude and give yourself a positive question: What am I going to do today that brings me joy?
• Do that thing - it doesn’t necessarily need to be added to a list, just do it, first chance you get
• Take a break
• Reward yourself with a walk outdoors somewhere in nature
• Ask yourself another positive question: What would be the most important thing to me today?
• Do that thing.
• Repeat.

Doing one or two important things really well each day may be one of the steps on the path to less stress at work and a happier home life.

#11: Synthesis or Unite and be Mindful

I am fascinated by human interactions, the minutiae of life events, taking pleasure in the seemingly odd coincidences. I don't believe in coincidence by the way. I don't really believe in odd either. I believe that everyday life events present us with hints and guide us along our path if we are mindful enough to notice them. I am reminded of the Jose Gonzalez track Hints lyric: We need hints before we get tired...we need a hint to know we are on the right track. In my work with people with dementia, I am reminded of the image of a lampost in the fog. In the Highlands of Scotland by the Cairn on the hill in the mist.

I was at a friend's house in Edinburgh the other day, and just as we were leaving, front door open, she invited me to draw a 'power card' from the bowl of cards in the hall. More of these minuscule life hints happen in doorways and transition areas than other places in my experience. My card was Synthesis - to put together, combining things to make a whole. This came at the end of a week where I had been sitting in the Nairn courthouse contemplating St. Ninian’s motto blazoned on the wall, "Unite and be mindful”, a week where I hosted a Zoom meeting of consultants keen to come together, to combine our individual skills and strengths. To be more than the sum of our parts, for a greater whole. This same week where I have held mentoring conversations with leaders in Nairn, London and California about the need for togetherness, not separation, for collaboration, not isolation. Specifically where people living with dementia are concerned. It may not be easier together but it will be better together.

Your ideas, your project, your organisation might be wonderful, might be a game-changer. But the question is not how can you grow, how can you scale? The question is how can you combine? How can you join together to maximise impact? The synthesis you find may come from an unusual source.

Try keeping unity and union in mind in the next week and see how you can work better together, make something new.

#9: Finding the casino exit

Have you ever been to a casino? Maybe in Las Vegas, maybe Southend? If so, you may recall how hard it is to find the exit once you are in having a good time because casinos are carefully designed to keep you inside playing. As the Gamble Aware programme says, “When the fun stops, stop.” Maybe as January comes around again you have thought about new projects. Perhaps you have thought about stopping your current work and exiting your organisation. Finding the exit is not always that easy, especially if you are the founder and/or CEO. Organisations, like casinos, are designed to keep us playing.

Often we begin new projects, new jobs and new ventures with seemingly endless energy and ambition. Our last consideration is how we might exit them successfully in some distant imagined future. As social sector leaders, we are also ever mindful of leaving our organisations in a stronger position than when we started. At the start of 2019 Dementia Adventure (DA) began preparing for its 10th anniversary and I began formal discussions with the trustee board about succession planning and my departure from the charity I had co-founded with Lucy Harding back in 2009. As a founding CEO, I had long been conscious that organisations develop and change over time and that organisations, in my view, need different leaders at different stages in their evolution. I had often been referred to as the inspiring leader who had the ideas and energy to get the organisation started. But with increasing success came the reflection that it was the right time to look for a new leader for the organisation, consciously avoiding Founder Syndrome whilst enabling the charity to thrive and grow into the longer-term future. To continue the casino metaphor, I was looking for the exit whilst I was still having fun.

Around this time, I was very grateful to receive a Rank Foundation bursary which enabled me to secure some invaluable 1:1 leadership mentoring and coaching. As a CEO, my focus had been on growing the organisation and supporting the team and so support for me had been lacking at times. With such a critical recruitment of a new CEO to embark upon and with no clear job waiting for me upon my departure from the organisation guided time to think was critical for me personally. Having 1:1 time with a mentor or a coach can sometimes feel indulgent or navel-gazing but I think it is significantly underrated, particularly at times of change and transition.

The mentoring created much needed time out of the office, space and time to think, to discuss and to address any concerns the team had about the changes, as well as logistically plan the steps in the calendar as we embarked upon our transition year. Mentoring and coaching can provide a healthy dose of challenge, support and enable you to critically address the key decisions that needed to be made. In senior positions decision fatigue can be a real issue and so addressing the right decisions at the right time is very important.

For me personally, I stayed objectively distant from the recruitment process of the new DA CEO Vivienne Depledge but did actively engage with Vivienne at various events and meetings both prior to her starting and once in post. I have every faith that she is a perfect fit for the organisation and is already taking DA to another level as we aim to reach and benefit even more people living with dementia. I am confident that I handed over my CEO role and the organisation in the best possible position to thrive, and am proud to support DA in a voluntary honorary adviser capacity. Without key mentoring support at a crucial time, I am not sure this process would have been so smooth or so positive in its conclusion.

When considering the next steps in your future career it is very important to pay attention to the things you are naturally drawn to because they are often connected to your path, passion and purpose in life. A good leadership mentor or coach can help you focus on these things so your next steps are heading in the right direction.

Are you ready to stop and find an exit? Could you exit? If you could exit soon do you know where your path is heading? Where will your next adventure be?