#25: Struggling to remain optimistic yet being positive

“I have found myself struggling to remain optimistic recently.”

“Me too, part of me has a long term sense of impending doom.”

“But I am positive about what we are doing just now to cope and adapt.”

This was the gist of the exchange between two social sector leaders today on a support call.  Both of them had made recent financial investments to expand their organisations in the next year.  Optimism and positivity have some important differences.  One can choose to act positively as a leader in the midst of various challenges.  Positive thinking or a positive mindset can enable us to remain solutions-focused and help our team of people take action with the belief that we can weather this storm and get through this.  

On the other hand, optimism and pessimism are often traits associated with our make up as human beings.  My friend and I are at opposite ends of this spectrum, where I would often describe myself as relentlessly optimistic, my friend is very much on the pessimistic side, often struggling to see how it could possibly work out in the long run.  “How will this all end”, he might say.  Or “I can see no future for us”.  But whilst organisations tend to favour and gravitate towards optimistic leaders they can be just as damaging, or successful, as pessimistic ones.  He is a great leader - and he will often fight harder to take positive action in order to make sure his pessimism doesn’t come true. 

So I am trying to embrace the unfamiliar waves of pessimism where I am struggling to remain optimistic - I am not sure it will be alright in the end.  I remain very much focused on thinking positively and taking positive action each day.  With that in mind, I am off running!  

Stay positive folks! 

#23: Time and Tide

I am in the extremely fortunate position of living near Nairn beach, arguably one of the best in Scotland.  During lockdown I have been making a point of taking a daily stroll down to the sea, just to watch the water.  Since moving to the coast I have become increasingly aware of and fascinated by the tide and its effect on my local beach - and its effect on me.  

Tides are part of our island narrative with perhaps the most well-known proverb being “time and tide wait for no man (or woman)” - meaning that when a favourable opportunity presents itself you would be wise to take it, in case you don’t get such a good chance again.  Looking back at your life - were there opportunities you wished you had jumped at?  Were there opportunities when the tide was high, the sun was shining and a light breeze blowing but for whatever reason, you decided to stay on the shore?  Maybe you were waiting for the conditions to be too perfect or were simply not feeling able or ready to confront the risks associated with the new opportunity.  When the time and tide are right it is important to take your opportunity.  Whilst there are many problems and challenges ahead of us all just now, there will also be opportunities and it is important that when they come we grab them with both hands.

The tides are also one of the few things in modern life which can not be reduced to ones and zeros.  The Natural Navigator, Tristan Gooley, has written widely about tides and tells us that “there is not a machine in the world that can accurately predict tides at a new location without the assistance of human observation.” In observing the tides at Nairn, there are very high tides where seaweed is washed up onto the golf course and very low tides where the sea disappears beyond the pier and lighthouse.  The beach can be full of sand one week and full of stones the next.  Seeing it every day, with a slower pace to life recently, I am finding great comfort in the regular nature of the tide.  Change happens every day.  The height of the tide and its direction of flow are determined by the Earth, moon, sun and time, fundamental forces in our universe.  As the sun starts setting ever northwards and the days continue to get longer at this latitude, I find great reassurance from feeling like a tiny pebble on the beach, waiting for the high tide to take me off on my next adventure.

#21: My top ten life changing books which help you find solutions to the real problems in your life and work

I am a slow reader and often don’t finish a book I have started if it doesn’t quite capture me but every now and then a book comes along which resonates and I read it from cover to cover. Often these books have been given to me as gifts or have come recommended from coaches and mentors and those people I admire and respect. There have been books which have led me to give up jobs and start new ventures. Books which have provoked adventure and journeys into new lands and books which have encouraged a journey into self. Books which made me believe I can change the world and books which contain the clues and tips to try and do just that.

If you are finding more time for reading here is my Top Ten List of the books which have all been pivotal and life-changing at different stages in my work over the last 20 years (listed Chronologically):

The Tipping Point - how little things can make a big difference by Malcolm Gladwell

How to be Idle by Tom Hodgkinson

Now discover your Strengths - how to develop your talents and those of the people you manage by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton

No regrets on Sunday - seven days can change your life by Dr Peter Hawkins

Wikinomics - how mass collaboration changes everything by Don Tapscott and Anthony D. Williams

Goal mapping - how to turn your dreams into realities by Brian Mayne

The four-hour workweek - escape the 9-5, live anywhere and join the new rich by Timothy Ferris

The Subtle art of not giving a f*ck - a counterintuitive approach to living a good life by Mark Manson

The 100-year life - living and working in the age of longevity by Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott

What colour is your parachute - A practical manual for job hunters and career changers (2017 edition) by Richard N. Bolles

Life-changing reading?

If you have one of the books above, go get it off the shelf, dust it off and think of someone in your life who needs this book. Send it to them with a personal note. Receiving gifted books can be life-changing. If you have not yet read all of these books then choose one, even if the title might put you off, read the reviews, get yourself the book and see where it takes you.

Happy reading - I wonder what books would make your top ten life-changing reads?

#19: Knowing when it is over

Is the end nigh? Current times are characterised by great uncertainties, but don’t be tempted into inertia, being proactive can still make for a happy ending.

Are you unsure if your work, project, business or relationship is over? Take a moment to reflect back on a time when you knew something was over and when it finished. Perhaps you knew, deep down, it was over some time ahead of it actually ending? Or maybe the end came like a hammer blow totally out of the blue? By reflecting on previous endings you can be better prepared this time around.

I like running marathons. Well, to put it more accurately, I enjoy signing up for marathons and I like the finish line. There are numerous hours of hard training and hard miles in the race itself that, to be honest, I don’t always enjoy. The finish line of the marathon is a definitive endpoint. The vast majority of people who sign up to run the London Marathon do indeed finish, regardless of their fitness or training regime. Knowing there is an endpoint to reach, after which you can stop and collect a medal, is enough to keep people going. Whilst running marathons can teach you a lot about yourself, not all situations in work and life have the neat ending we sometimes crave. Often the finish line is frustratingly hidden in the fog of daily life. Understandably there are fears and worries about the impending change.

I was talking with a shop owner the other day, in a retail business on the high street. Her business, like many, is on hold because her customers need close personal contact and interaction before purchasing her products. We were talking about if and when she would re-open again. “I really don’t know if I will have a business to go back to”, she said. So like our friend, if you are contemplating whether something is reaching an end, or whether to put fresh energy into it, try these steps:

1. Sitting it out. Try sitting still, calming and quietening the mind. Probably best to do this outdoors if you can, perhaps in the garden or on a balcony, or if you have a view out of the window.
2. Pose the question. Ask yourself out loud “Is this over?” And wait for an answer to come. Many times, with hindsight, people did intuitively know when something was over. Listening to your inner voice and your own intuition is as good a guide as any in uncertain times.
3. Don’t wait, do something. Whilst it is tempting to wait for the answer to become clear to us, or a magical lottery-winning solution to emerge, don't give in to inertia and do nothing. Be hopeful but be proactive, for example, plan your future framework, clarify your purpose and set new goals.
4. Write down what you need right now and in the future. Write down what you want now and in the future. Pay special attention to anything on both lists.
5. Accept where you are right now. Remind yourself you are doing the best with the information you have to hand.

In a way, my marathons are never really over. As soon as I finish one, briefly pausing to look at the medal, I am planning the next one. I often sign up for another one on the same day as finishing the one I’ve just run.

Runners at the start of another London Marathon in 2019

Times change, new information presents itself, a relationship flourishes again when you thought it had burnt out and new projects and business ideas emerge where you couldn’t see them before.

To a degree, there is a sense that nothing is really over, forever. Just different at different times.

#18: Finding Joy

I find myself seeking delight. Many of the places, people and activities that were previously a source of great pleasure have become distant, beyond reach. But both in my work and in my home life there is much joy to be found, despite the search for joy needing to be more proactive at the moment.

Finding joy in…

The blackbird hopping along the wall, turning its head to look at me as I rise from my seat.

A member of staff completing her first fundraising application for much needed charitable funds.

Sheepview introducing me to a different view of the Faroe Islands.

The first broad beans poking and seemingly struggling to get their heavy heads above the soil line.

Trustees at a virtual board meeting putting personal difficulties aside to focus on how our charity can best help local people.

My Mum, who is shielding, taking part in a digital nature walk with Nature 4 Health.

Hot strong coffee with the full warm sun on my face under the blossoming cherry tree.

Charity funders loosening their restrictions and trusting charities to put money to the best use in our communities.

Google photos reminding me of a family canal trip in Cambridgeshire three years ago.


The more I look the more I find, believe in joy and you are halfway there...


Milk and beer appearing on my doorstep from a kind neighbour.

Seeing the whole street banging pots and pans on a Thursday night.

My daughter being top of the Klingon league on Duolingo.

My son building a BMX through home deliveries.

My wife baking bread and the waft of it through the house.

Zoom calls with charity leaders, fraught and exhausted, but still finding time to support one another, share information and offer emotional and practical support.

In spending time with hundreds of families living with dementia over the years I am reminded not of the dementia, but of the moments of joy. June in her garden smelling her flowers, after taking over an hour supporting her to get dressed to make the short shuffle outdoors. Brian and I laughing our heads off in the toilet as I was doing my best to assist him with the most personal of care tasks. John holding my hand and not letting go for over 5 long minutes as we both sat in silence, no need for words.

Joy is there in different guises. Isolation and exhaustion are defeated by it. Try and find some today.

#15: My Top Ten Tips for working from home

I first started working from home back in 2006 and can remember one early episode which sharply brought into focus the reality of the challenges that can present. My son Charlie was about a year and a half old at the time and couldn’t understand why his daddy was shutting himself away behind a door. I was on a phone call to the office with my new boss when the screaming started. “Is everything ok?” says my boss. “Yes fine, please ignore the screaming” I replied. “But he does sound very upset.” I had to abandon the call as the concerns, and the screaming, grew. My son was ok after a mummy cuddle, who was also working from home. So, if you now find yourself working from home and trying to cope with the children being kept off school and home from nursery, here are my top ten tips for home working.

1. Dress food feel good - Whilst it is tempting to have endless pyjama days in front of the pc, do try to avoid doing so. I remember my granddad who used to dress in a shirt and tie only to sit in his lounge with only family for visitors. Make a point of dressing well, so you can think well.
2. Get outside for 5 minutes - There is great evidence that just 5 minutes outdoors is enough to lift our mood. Start the day with a 5-minute dose of nature. Step onto your balcony or garden or get out into a green or blue space. Ask yourself “What do I notice?”. Become fascinated and immersed in nature for a few minutes. Repeat after lunch, gentle exercise after eating aiding digestion and at the end of the day, to help create a division between work and home time.
3. 45-minute work chunks - Set yourself a recurring alarm on your phone for 45 minutes. Attention dwindles significantly after this period and staring at a bright computer screen for prolonged periods is detrimental for your eyes too. When the alarm goes off just stop, don't ignore it. Get up and walk around, check your posture, do a few yoga stretches, trust that whatever you are working on will still be there when you sit back down again.
4. Do one thing - Set yourself one thing to do for the morning and one thing to do for the afternoon. For the multitaskers amongst us that might feel too easy but it is important, in the absence of an immediate physical team or boss, that you focus on the really important tasks which need doing. By doing that thing first in the morning you will feel better and form effective work habits.
5. Put things out of reach - It is all too easy to stay seated for extended periods of time, the negative health consequences of which are dire. I leave my stapler and hole puncher upstairs so that I have to go upstairs to go and get them. Getting some much-needed steps and stair exercise each time.
6. Develop a list of mantras - positive self- talk can be helpful to tackle the demon thoughts which might emerge when you are working alone at home. Develop your own mantras, short affirmations you can draw upon “I am great at this”...I can do this...the only way out is through...if you are going through hell, keep going.” 
7. Visualise a good day - when you sit down to start work visualise yourself at the end of the day with key productive tasks completed with satisfaction and ease. Imagining a positive outcome is the first step to that becoming a reality.
8. Spend time with the children or with the dog - there will be times when the children or your pet is demanding attention. Give them the attention, give them a hug, stroke the cat, give them your full attention for five minutes. Tell them you love them. It will make you both feel good.
9. Set up virtual coffee mornings - actively ask colleagues to join you for a video call for no other purpose but to catch up over coffee. Book these in your calendar so that you have regular social contact that would otherwise happen naturally in an office/team space. Actively invest time for social networking support.
10. Turn off the news - Whilst the news is a helpful source of updates during these challenging times, there is a good argument for limiting your access to the news whilst you are working. If you need to find something out about the latest developments you can do this at lunchtime or at the end of the day. Try phoning your parents and get their take on the news. Rationing and limiting your consumption of news will help focus, reduce distractions and help keep things in perspective. If you need some helpful background noise then instead of listening to the radio try peaceful music which is repetitive and calming such as Max Richter’s Sleep album, the RSPB’s Let Nature Sing put on repeat or Gregorian chanting for example. 

And finally, practice gratitude. Be thankful for being able to work from home, for having functioning IT to enable you to communicate easily with others from the safety of your living room, and be thankful for the health of your family. An attitude of gratitude will keep you open to the possibility of the positive - write down three things you are thankful for today.

Stay well and work well.

#11: Synthesis or Unite and be Mindful

I am fascinated by human interactions, the minutiae of life events, taking pleasure in the seemingly odd coincidences. I don't believe in coincidence by the way. I don't really believe in odd either. I believe that everyday life events present us with hints and guide us along our path if we are mindful enough to notice them. I am reminded of the Jose Gonzalez track Hints lyric: We need hints before we get tired...we need a hint to know we are on the right track. In my work with people with dementia, I am reminded of the image of a lampost in the fog. In the Highlands of Scotland by the Cairn on the hill in the mist.

I was at a friend's house in Edinburgh the other day, and just as we were leaving, front door open, she invited me to draw a 'power card' from the bowl of cards in the hall. More of these minuscule life hints happen in doorways and transition areas than other places in my experience. My card was Synthesis - to put together, combining things to make a whole. This came at the end of a week where I had been sitting in the Nairn courthouse contemplating St. Ninian’s motto blazoned on the wall, "Unite and be mindful”, a week where I hosted a Zoom meeting of consultants keen to come together, to combine our individual skills and strengths. To be more than the sum of our parts, for a greater whole. This same week where I have held mentoring conversations with leaders in Nairn, London and California about the need for togetherness, not separation, for collaboration, not isolation. Specifically where people living with dementia are concerned. It may not be easier together but it will be better together.

Your ideas, your project, your organisation might be wonderful, might be a game-changer. But the question is not how can you grow, how can you scale? The question is how can you combine? How can you join together to maximise impact? The synthesis you find may come from an unusual source.

Try keeping unity and union in mind in the next week and see how you can work better together, make something new.

#9: Finding the casino exit

Have you ever been to a casino? Maybe in Las Vegas, maybe Southend? If so, you may recall how hard it is to find the exit once you are in having a good time because casinos are carefully designed to keep you inside playing. As the Gamble Aware programme says, “When the fun stops, stop.” Maybe as January comes around again you have thought about new projects. Perhaps you have thought about stopping your current work and exiting your organisation. Finding the exit is not always that easy, especially if you are the founder and/or CEO. Organisations, like casinos, are designed to keep us playing.

Often we begin new projects, new jobs and new ventures with seemingly endless energy and ambition. Our last consideration is how we might exit them successfully in some distant imagined future. As social sector leaders, we are also ever mindful of leaving our organisations in a stronger position than when we started. At the start of 2019 Dementia Adventure (DA) began preparing for its 10th anniversary and I began formal discussions with the trustee board about succession planning and my departure from the charity I had co-founded with Lucy Harding back in 2009. As a founding CEO, I had long been conscious that organisations develop and change over time and that organisations, in my view, need different leaders at different stages in their evolution. I had often been referred to as the inspiring leader who had the ideas and energy to get the organisation started. But with increasing success came the reflection that it was the right time to look for a new leader for the organisation, consciously avoiding Founder Syndrome whilst enabling the charity to thrive and grow into the longer-term future. To continue the casino metaphor, I was looking for the exit whilst I was still having fun.

Around this time, I was very grateful to receive a Rank Foundation bursary which enabled me to secure some invaluable 1:1 leadership mentoring and coaching. As a CEO, my focus had been on growing the organisation and supporting the team and so support for me had been lacking at times. With such a critical recruitment of a new CEO to embark upon and with no clear job waiting for me upon my departure from the organisation guided time to think was critical for me personally. Having 1:1 time with a mentor or a coach can sometimes feel indulgent or navel-gazing but I think it is significantly underrated, particularly at times of change and transition.

The mentoring created much needed time out of the office, space and time to think, to discuss and to address any concerns the team had about the changes, as well as logistically plan the steps in the calendar as we embarked upon our transition year. Mentoring and coaching can provide a healthy dose of challenge, support and enable you to critically address the key decisions that needed to be made. In senior positions decision fatigue can be a real issue and so addressing the right decisions at the right time is very important.

For me personally, I stayed objectively distant from the recruitment process of the new DA CEO Vivienne Depledge but did actively engage with Vivienne at various events and meetings both prior to her starting and once in post. I have every faith that she is a perfect fit for the organisation and is already taking DA to another level as we aim to reach and benefit even more people living with dementia. I am confident that I handed over my CEO role and the organisation in the best possible position to thrive, and am proud to support DA in a voluntary honorary adviser capacity. Without key mentoring support at a crucial time, I am not sure this process would have been so smooth or so positive in its conclusion.

When considering the next steps in your future career it is very important to pay attention to the things you are naturally drawn to because they are often connected to your path, passion and purpose in life. A good leadership mentor or coach can help you focus on these things so your next steps are heading in the right direction.

Are you ready to stop and find an exit? Could you exit? If you could exit soon do you know where your path is heading? Where will your next adventure be?