#19: Knowing when it is over

Is the end nigh? Current times are characterised by great uncertainties, but don’t be tempted into inertia, being proactive can still make for a happy ending.

Are you unsure if your work, project, business or relationship is over? Take a moment to reflect back on a time when you knew something was over and when it finished. Perhaps you knew, deep down, it was over some time ahead of it actually ending? Or maybe the end came like a hammer blow totally out of the blue? By reflecting on previous endings you can be better prepared this time around.

I like running marathons. Well, to put it more accurately, I enjoy signing up for marathons and I like the finish line. There are numerous hours of hard training and hard miles in the race itself that, to be honest, I don’t always enjoy. The finish line of the marathon is a definitive endpoint. The vast majority of people who sign up to run the London Marathon do indeed finish, regardless of their fitness or training regime. Knowing there is an endpoint to reach, after which you can stop and collect a medal, is enough to keep people going. Whilst running marathons can teach you a lot about yourself, not all situations in work and life have the neat ending we sometimes crave. Often the finish line is frustratingly hidden in the fog of daily life. Understandably there are fears and worries about the impending change.

I was talking with a shop owner the other day, in a retail business on the high street. Her business, like many, is on hold because her customers need close personal contact and interaction before purchasing her products. We were talking about if and when she would re-open again. “I really don’t know if I will have a business to go back to”, she said. So like our friend, if you are contemplating whether something is reaching an end, or whether to put fresh energy into it, try these steps:

1. Sitting it out. Try sitting still, calming and quietening the mind. Probably best to do this outdoors if you can, perhaps in the garden or on a balcony, or if you have a view out of the window.
2. Pose the question. Ask yourself out loud “Is this over?” And wait for an answer to come. Many times, with hindsight, people did intuitively know when something was over. Listening to your inner voice and your own intuition is as good a guide as any in uncertain times.
3. Don’t wait, do something. Whilst it is tempting to wait for the answer to become clear to us, or a magical lottery-winning solution to emerge, don't give in to inertia and do nothing. Be hopeful but be proactive, for example, plan your future framework, clarify your purpose and set new goals.
4. Write down what you need right now and in the future. Write down what you want now and in the future. Pay special attention to anything on both lists.
5. Accept where you are right now. Remind yourself you are doing the best with the information you have to hand.

In a way, my marathons are never really over. As soon as I finish one, briefly pausing to look at the medal, I am planning the next one. I often sign up for another one on the same day as finishing the one I’ve just run.

Runners at the start of another London Marathon in 2019

Times change, new information presents itself, a relationship flourishes again when you thought it had burnt out and new projects and business ideas emerge where you couldn’t see them before.

To a degree, there is a sense that nothing is really over, forever. Just different at different times.

#10: Finding solutions to problems

What is your number one problem at work? Let us imagine that this problem could be magically solved tomorrow. What would your next biggest problem be, and the third on the list? Are you really concentrating on the right problem? Maybe there is a problem that is at the top of your list but actually the second or third problem is, in reality, your biggest problem. Either way, finding solutions to problems can be difficult, should not be tackled alone and benefit from a diversity of perspectives.

Action Learning is a structured and facilitated peer-based approach to identifying problems, reflecting on them and resolving them. It takes place in a group, mostly between 6 and 12 people and can be done face to face or through video conferencing tools like Zoom. Action learning has a long track record in the UK and internationally, enabling people to find solutions to intractable problems and take the actions needed. It has been a key element in the success of the leaders who have been supported by the Clore Social Leadership Programme since its inception back in 2010. I am the Clore Social Leadership ‘chapter host’ for the North of Scotland and our group has Action Learning Sets embedded in our face to face and virtual meetings for members. In our most recent meeting, one of our members brought a ‘job interview problem’ to successful fruition and has a way forward with a new senior position. So how does it work, and why?

Problem insight

So think again, for a moment, about your biggest problem at work right now. With that problem painfully held in your mind, ask yourself the following questions:

Am I able to clearly articulate the problem to others?
Am I struggling with the ‘wrong’ problem?
How can I uncover other’s insights into this problem?

Often when an individual leader is asked to ‘present’ a problem succinctly to the group, what follows can be a less than coherent ramble. That is fine and perfectly normal, although sometimes it is to the surprise of the presenter who thought they were clear about it!

Problem resolution

It is important for leaders to have a safe space amongst peers, outwith their organisation, where they can safely air and share a problem for resolution. First of all, it is reassuring that your concerns and struggles are shared by others, some of whom have successfully addressed similar problems in the past. Secondly, each peer in the group will approach the resolution from a different viewpoint and you will come out of the group with suggestions and actions on practical ways forward for resolving this problem.

Problem-solving reflection

Time to think and reflect is a precious commodity. We hear about people being ‘time-poor’ and that ‘capacity’ is the issue. Action learning sets provide that important time and space to think out loud, to hear yourself talking about a problem amongst trusted peers. Maybe this is the first time you have had a chance to talk about the struggles that have been going on in your head for some time, maybe waking you up in the middle of the night? Being part of an action learning set requires commitment to the group and your peers but also to your own learning. Ultimately you are valuing yourself. Through action learning, you can find solutions to problems, but you can also be a better coach, mentor and buddy and learn to unlock excellence in yourself and in others. The concept of ‘rounds’ (turn-taking) gives people equal opportunity to talk, and the question and answer nature of the group builds your repertoire of ‘good questions’ to ask those who are struggling with a problem.

If you are already in an Action Learning Set then great - you are developing your skills and experience that will support you to resolve problems across your life. If you would like to know more about facilitation or finding an Action Learning Set then you can start here for more information.

#9: Finding the casino exit

Have you ever been to a casino? Maybe in Las Vegas, maybe Southend? If so, you may recall how hard it is to find the exit once you are in having a good time because casinos are carefully designed to keep you inside playing. As the Gamble Aware programme says, “When the fun stops, stop.” Maybe as January comes around again you have thought about new projects. Perhaps you have thought about stopping your current work and exiting your organisation. Finding the exit is not always that easy, especially if you are the founder and/or CEO. Organisations, like casinos, are designed to keep us playing.

Often we begin new projects, new jobs and new ventures with seemingly endless energy and ambition. Our last consideration is how we might exit them successfully in some distant imagined future. As social sector leaders, we are also ever mindful of leaving our organisations in a stronger position than when we started. At the start of 2019 Dementia Adventure (DA) began preparing for its 10th anniversary and I began formal discussions with the trustee board about succession planning and my departure from the charity I had co-founded with Lucy Harding back in 2009. As a founding CEO, I had long been conscious that organisations develop and change over time and that organisations, in my view, need different leaders at different stages in their evolution. I had often been referred to as the inspiring leader who had the ideas and energy to get the organisation started. But with increasing success came the reflection that it was the right time to look for a new leader for the organisation, consciously avoiding Founder Syndrome whilst enabling the charity to thrive and grow into the longer-term future. To continue the casino metaphor, I was looking for the exit whilst I was still having fun.

Around this time, I was very grateful to receive a Rank Foundation bursary which enabled me to secure some invaluable 1:1 leadership mentoring and coaching. As a CEO, my focus had been on growing the organisation and supporting the team and so support for me had been lacking at times. With such a critical recruitment of a new CEO to embark upon and with no clear job waiting for me upon my departure from the organisation guided time to think was critical for me personally. Having 1:1 time with a mentor or a coach can sometimes feel indulgent or navel-gazing but I think it is significantly underrated, particularly at times of change and transition.

The mentoring created much needed time out of the office, space and time to think, to discuss and to address any concerns the team had about the changes, as well as logistically plan the steps in the calendar as we embarked upon our transition year. Mentoring and coaching can provide a healthy dose of challenge, support and enable you to critically address the key decisions that needed to be made. In senior positions decision fatigue can be a real issue and so addressing the right decisions at the right time is very important.

For me personally, I stayed objectively distant from the recruitment process of the new DA CEO Vivienne Depledge but did actively engage with Vivienne at various events and meetings both prior to her starting and once in post. I have every faith that she is a perfect fit for the organisation and is already taking DA to another level as we aim to reach and benefit even more people living with dementia. I am confident that I handed over my CEO role and the organisation in the best possible position to thrive, and am proud to support DA in a voluntary honorary adviser capacity. Without key mentoring support at a crucial time, I am not sure this process would have been so smooth or so positive in its conclusion.

When considering the next steps in your future career it is very important to pay attention to the things you are naturally drawn to because they are often connected to your path, passion and purpose in life. A good leadership mentor or coach can help you focus on these things so your next steps are heading in the right direction.

Are you ready to stop and find an exit? Could you exit? If you could exit soon do you know where your path is heading? Where will your next adventure be?

#8: Little green (& black) books

Review and reflection can be a helpful thing.  Looking back at what you did in the last decade feels important.  Maybe you got married, got a new job, reached a sporting milestone?  But how many of us plan where we will be in ten years time? Putting in an equal amount of time in facing forward to the decade now in front of us is just as crucial.  Planning ten years from now - have you figured out your BeHaveDo?  

What will you be?

What will you have in your life?

What will you be doing?

Ten years is a long time, so be ambitious with your plans. Resolutions are not solutions, with many people running out of energy for their new year’s resolution by mid-January (the 19th apparently). But do review the past year in planning the next ten.




The little green book on the left in the photo above is the original ideas book for Dementia Adventure. I started writing ideas and future plans for Dementia Adventure back in 2005. I started sketching logos, writing down website domains, planning service costs/benefits and looking into marketing options and thinking about who could help me get this idea into reality. Looking back, my first mistake was not to start the organisation sooner, finally having the confidence to get underway in establishing Dementia Adventure in 2009. My second mistake was making it about me, not we. I personally invested a lot of my time, my family’s time and took on the responsibility which could have been better shared from the outset. Don’t try to do it all alone. Dementia Adventure quickly became more successful when there was a we and we made decisions together. By focusing on the cause and on others first, it also makes it more likely that you can make a successful future exit from your organisation, should you need or want to do so.

But over ten years down the line, many of the original ideas in that battered little green book have come into being, with Dementia Adventure now a thriving and successful charity giving people hope, joy and a sense of adventure in their lives. I am glad I started that little green book. Glad I started future-gazing.

In looking at the decade in front of you, ask yourself which people and causes give you ‘endless’ energy? In the search for meaning, try to start with We, not Me. It’s not about you, it’s about the impact we can have on the world. How can you join together, work together, be together with the people and causes which matter to you? Years ago, a lot of importance was placed on your ‘little black book’ - an address book of key contacts, your network literally in a black book which you carried and guarded. I would like to see more ‘little green books’ - books with ideas, books with sketches and dreams imagined and being nurtured to grow. By the way, it does need to be a real notebook in my opinion (virtual notebooks don’t create the same magic) because there is something important that happens in the brain by physically writing and drawing things down.

I have started a new little green book, the one on the right in the photo above. It came as a present from my mentor Ashley Cooke. My new little green book contains some brilliant questions and tools if you, like me, are looking at where you will be in 2030. If you have not already seen it check out my blog #5: Backup 2=1 and 1=0 for more on getting started with long term planning.

See you somewhere amazing in 2030!

#2: The SHIREs - don’t hold the horses, Helen

I was at the first Scottish Highlands and Islands Rural Economy conference on Thursday in Inverness, (The SHIREs2019) which turned out to be an inspirational event (if you thought this blog was going to be about Shire horses then feel free to skip to the end).  The Scottish Highlands and Islands is an innovative and entrepreneurial place to be. Mike Donald from Harris Gin (which is transforming the community on Harris one beautiful bottle at a time) had us dreaming of sandy beaches and hand-picked sugar kelp drying in the sun. Tom Campbell, founder of the North Coast 500, wowed us all with some seriously impressive economic and marketing stats from one of the world’s most iconic routes, which now has an annual reach of 5 billion people.  Not only is it the ultimate road trip but is the artery and lifeline to a thriving and diverse rural economy in Northern Scotland.  “Rural” is not the problem, it is the solution. Our table discussion covered a wide range of developments including the Scottish Re-Wilding Alliance, wellness tourism and ancestral walks - literally walking in the footsteps of your ancestors, a hillwalkers version of ‘Who do you think you are.’ A great new twist on a walking holiday. 

But it was Helen McAlpine who had the most impact on me yesterday.  Helen, another conference delegate like myself, approached me in the break following my question to the panel.  (By the way; top conference networking tip: always construct a carefully worded question and name yourself and your organisation before asking it when there is an open Q+A session for the whole conference.  This has the effect of drawing people to you in the break. If this scares you, write it down and be the first to put your hand up, so you have to do it.)  My question was about the potential opportunities for people with dementia to benefit from wellness tourism, active travel and the various nature-based activities on offer in some of the world’s best landscapes in the Highlands.  Helen came over because she is starting a new business, supporting people with dementia. What a great thing to be doing. She is just as inspirational as Mike and Tom and is symbolic of a fundamental societal shift as we re-calibrate what it means to live longer lives (you can read my post on the 100-year life and take the 100-year life audit here).

Helen McAlpine

Helen is finishing work as a nurse on Tuesday, after over 20 years in the NHS.  But rather than simply stopping there she is one of a growing number of social entrepreneurs over 50 embarking on setting up social businesses.  An increasing number of studies point towards 45 and 50 being either the average age or most successful ages to start up a business. I am sure we will see this age go up quite soon.  Life experience, common sense, competence, knowledge and agency all make a potent positive mix for those setting up businesses later in life. When we contemplate a 100-year life (which many of us are statistically likely to reach), it follows that the normal three stages of study/work/retire no longer fit.  The authors of 100-year life, Lynda Gratton & Andrew Scott, painfully remind us that unless we are saving substantial amounts of money (which is a tiny minority of people, namely those in the FIRE movement) or win the lottery (hope is not a strategy!) then we are going to need to carry on working for financial reasons, but also to answer the search for purpose and meaning in later life.  Establishing businesses in later life will become more common, and this has far-reaching impacts for education and learning, family finances, kinship care and pensions to name but a few of the obvious things.  

There has been a lot of focus on interns over the last decade, which often refers to a student (mostly younger) gaining work experience, often without pay.  The other use of the word intern is to imprison. The next decade we will start seeing more #Re-Terns where older people are the target audience for courses, webinars, incubators and accelerators to support them start and grow their businesses.  The University of the Highlands and Islands are seeing this already with growing demand for their courses from the over 50’s; people like Helen. So rather than wait, don’t hold the horses, be like Helen and get on with that project, that dream idea for a new business and if you happen to be over 50, chances are you will be successful.  Rather than languishing in retirement, take proactive steps to re-educate, re-learn, re-focus and re-tern to work with a sense of freedom and control. Good luck to all the Helens (and Harrys) out there.

Now for the Shire horse bit.  My Dad grew up with Shire horses on my grandfather’s farm in rural Essex.  Sometimes he slept in the barn with them to keep warm. There is something deeply relaxing and awe-inspiring about being next to the powerful weight of a Shire horse.  As we look to run farms and rural economies more sustainably I hope we see a resurgence in the use of Shires in the fields and forests of Scotland. Clearly, big machinery will not be replaced in modern agriculture, but those small plots and awkward steep forest hillsides might yet see Shires on them again.  Check out horse logging by the folks at Permaculture Scotland for more Shire horse joy.