#19: Knowing when it is over

Is the end nigh? Current times are characterised by great uncertainties, but don’t be tempted into inertia, being proactive can still make for a happy ending.

Are you unsure if your work, project, business or relationship is over? Take a moment to reflect back on a time when you knew something was over and when it finished. Perhaps you knew, deep down, it was over some time ahead of it actually ending? Or maybe the end came like a hammer blow totally out of the blue? By reflecting on previous endings you can be better prepared this time around.

I like running marathons. Well, to put it more accurately, I enjoy signing up for marathons and I like the finish line. There are numerous hours of hard training and hard miles in the race itself that, to be honest, I don’t always enjoy. The finish line of the marathon is a definitive endpoint. The vast majority of people who sign up to run the London Marathon do indeed finish, regardless of their fitness or training regime. Knowing there is an endpoint to reach, after which you can stop and collect a medal, is enough to keep people going. Whilst running marathons can teach you a lot about yourself, not all situations in work and life have the neat ending we sometimes crave. Often the finish line is frustratingly hidden in the fog of daily life. Understandably there are fears and worries about the impending change.

I was talking with a shop owner the other day, in a retail business on the high street. Her business, like many, is on hold because her customers need close personal contact and interaction before purchasing her products. We were talking about if and when she would re-open again. “I really don’t know if I will have a business to go back to”, she said. So like our friend, if you are contemplating whether something is reaching an end, or whether to put fresh energy into it, try these steps:

1. Sitting it out. Try sitting still, calming and quietening the mind. Probably best to do this outdoors if you can, perhaps in the garden or on a balcony, or if you have a view out of the window.
2. Pose the question. Ask yourself out loud “Is this over?” And wait for an answer to come. Many times, with hindsight, people did intuitively know when something was over. Listening to your inner voice and your own intuition is as good a guide as any in uncertain times.
3. Don’t wait, do something. Whilst it is tempting to wait for the answer to become clear to us, or a magical lottery-winning solution to emerge, don't give in to inertia and do nothing. Be hopeful but be proactive, for example, plan your future framework, clarify your purpose and set new goals.
4. Write down what you need right now and in the future. Write down what you want now and in the future. Pay special attention to anything on both lists.
5. Accept where you are right now. Remind yourself you are doing the best with the information you have to hand.

In a way, my marathons are never really over. As soon as I finish one, briefly pausing to look at the medal, I am planning the next one. I often sign up for another one on the same day as finishing the one I’ve just run.

Runners at the start of another London Marathon in 2019

Times change, new information presents itself, a relationship flourishes again when you thought it had burnt out and new projects and business ideas emerge where you couldn’t see them before.

To a degree, there is a sense that nothing is really over, forever. Just different at different times.

#18: Finding Joy

I find myself seeking delight. Many of the places, people and activities that were previously a source of great pleasure have become distant, beyond reach. But both in my work and in my home life there is much joy to be found, despite the search for joy needing to be more proactive at the moment.

Finding joy in…

The blackbird hopping along the wall, turning its head to look at me as I rise from my seat.

A member of staff completing her first fundraising application for much needed charitable funds.

Sheepview introducing me to a different view of the Faroe Islands.

The first broad beans poking and seemingly struggling to get their heavy heads above the soil line.

Trustees at a virtual board meeting putting personal difficulties aside to focus on how our charity can best help local people.

My Mum, who is shielding, taking part in a digital nature walk with Nature 4 Health.

Hot strong coffee with the full warm sun on my face under the blossoming cherry tree.

Charity funders loosening their restrictions and trusting charities to put money to the best use in our communities.

Google photos reminding me of a family canal trip in Cambridgeshire three years ago.


The more I look the more I find, believe in joy and you are halfway there...


Milk and beer appearing on my doorstep from a kind neighbour.

Seeing the whole street banging pots and pans on a Thursday night.

My daughter being top of the Klingon league on Duolingo.

My son building a BMX through home deliveries.

My wife baking bread and the waft of it through the house.

Zoom calls with charity leaders, fraught and exhausted, but still finding time to support one another, share information and offer emotional and practical support.

In spending time with hundreds of families living with dementia over the years I am reminded not of the dementia, but of the moments of joy. June in her garden smelling her flowers, after taking over an hour supporting her to get dressed to make the short shuffle outdoors. Brian and I laughing our heads off in the toilet as I was doing my best to assist him with the most personal of care tasks. John holding my hand and not letting go for over 5 long minutes as we both sat in silence, no need for words.

Joy is there in different guises. Isolation and exhaustion are defeated by it. Try and find some today.

#17: Quick to slow?

I guess I am a slow learner. It took me 17 years to learn to run slower. Pushing it, harder efforts faster-paced runs all seemed the likely answer to the question of how to run faster. It was in 2017 when I finally had the breakthrough with my running training, a year which resulted in me breaking my lifetime personal bests/personal records in every distance from mile to marathon. At the age of 43, I was running faster than at the age of 23. So what was the answer? Running slowly. But not just slowly, really slowly, so slow in fact that it was virtually walking pace. I had embarked on the MAF method, following in the footsteps of Dr Philip Maffetone and the many thousands he has coached and supported to be fitter and healthier. Part of this method involves running whilst keeping your heart rate low, which for me meant a lot of walking. I found this frustrating, not to be running fast, not to be out of breath, not to be exhausted at the end of the run. Running slowly kind of looked a bit awkward too with walkers keeping up with me on their route into town. But week in week out for months I stuck with it. I realised that I was becoming a more consistent runner, was injury-free and was healthy for an extended period. The boom and bust training cycles and associated injuries and illnesses had been replaced by higher mileage slower more effective endurance running. I had lost weight too as my body started burning fat reserves more effectively, which was a bonus. I started getting personal bests in the local parkrun, at the 5K distance, then the half marathon and marathon eventually. All the previous guidance on running faster was geared to just that if you want to run faster then... run fast. But, counterintuitively, the answer to learning to run fast, came from lots and lots of slow running. Running so slow you could identify stones on the beach, birds in the trees and join in conversation with dog walkers. My younger self would not have believed me, but by slowing down everything got easier and faster.

In these turbulent times, how quickly can you slow down? Do you find it easy or difficult operating at a slower pace? Slowing down can bring many benefits, but it often can’t be done in a week or two and we may need to stick with, and commit to keeping, a slower pace for a few months to begin to see the benefits. By slowing down we might just find a method to support us to cope with the challenges of now but also a method that will serve us and our planet well in the longer term. Try it, next time someone tentatively asks “How are you?” - tell them “I am slowing down” and see what emerges.